PMS must be linked to "The Fall"

Okay, so my "lady time", as I like to call it, is nearly here and the old roller coaster of emotions is already throwing me around and has consequently taken two extra passengers against their will! I am only consoled by the fact that one day Jesus will come again and there will be a new earth with no sin, and I can only imagine no crazy roller coaster of extreme emotions. I was sitting on my bathroom counter staring into the mirror sobbing to myself and asking God "Why?" when I realized that He was using that rush of emotion to reveal my selfish heart to me. I was upset because of what? I was "wronged", not so... I was upset because I wasn't righted in the way I specifically felt I "deserved" to be! Why is it I justify my "feelings"? They are no less fallen than my actions... I wanted answers, though, from God, I wanted to know why I was feeling this way, what was wrong with me? why couldn't I stop from feeling this way? what did I need to do or stop doing to keep myself from it? But really, that is what caused the first sin, right? me, daughter of Eve, seeking that fruit of knowledge. When really, it's not anything I can do for or to myself to be happy. Isn't it in my most selfless moments that I feel true joy? So why do I torture myself with this constant need to control? Ugh! There I go again, even in my writings, I am trying to fix myself and wondering why I want to fix myself and cannot fix myself by stopping the trying to fix myself... not sure that that made much of any sense, I now leave with this. I am broken anew every time I sin, every time I wrong, and every time I judge self righteously. I need Jesus even more than ever and want for Him. Not I, nor my husband, nor my daughter, nor anyone or thing else, for that matter can bring joy or true happiness, it is only through Jesus. "Lord God, please help me- us as your fallen people- to continually seek you. Please help to break our hearts and show us our sin. Help us to not just see that sin, but flee from it, to not only be broken by that, but to be convicted to steer ourselves clear of it in the present and future. I pray for Your strength Lord, because without it I haven't the energy to fight my own wicked ways. And Lord, I just thank You for keeping us, your people, in spite of everything we do to "deserve" the opposite. You are gracious and merciful and loving and kind and you are just and everything we aren't and need. Thank you Lord, Amen."

Now I will be revisiting a book I only half ready a few years ago, Allender & Longman, The Cry of The Soul - How our emotions reveal our deepest questions about God

Here's the why...

So I started reading a wonderful book on gender roles from a biblical viewpoint (Strauch, Alexander Men and Women - Equal Yet Different ). It includes biblical passages highlighting gender roles and some reference to various authors who have studies out on the controversial topic. It really forced me to question my heart in matters of the home and relationships. So here I am... Sharing this rediscovery both good points and very fallen sinful points. I hope that this can be enlightening - in that there really is sound points from God's own plan of just what it is to be Woman, encouraging - to know that we all struggle and maybe we struggle in some of the same things (we can pray for Jesus to "open the eyes of our hearts"), and truly honest - sometimes I realize that I am not being truly honest about what is in my heart, whether that is out of denial, shame, or just plain old ignorance.